yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
