Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize