3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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