the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
