so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
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Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
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Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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