is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Life is so much better after having sex.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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