Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
