He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
