hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
