weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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