I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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