I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
