The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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