Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
