he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
