Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
