Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
