Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It's blow job season.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
