She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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