Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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