I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
