gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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