so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
