why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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