and i looked up. we had an audience...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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