I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We are two peas in an std pod
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
