Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
