Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
