I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
