You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
