a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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