the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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