who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
there is glitter all over my balls
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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