weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
