so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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