Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
