i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The beer is more important than you right now.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
