I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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