Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
