bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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