i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
