he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
