If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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