Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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