i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
