his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
