Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
