Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
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What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
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It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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