I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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