Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
