a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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