I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
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Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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