I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
