70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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