I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
