When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
