Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
