i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
