I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
