True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
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He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
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Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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