i don't like sucking hair
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
