I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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