I accidentally had phone sex last night
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
