I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
