if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
