I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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