Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
